Inside The Mind Of Timothy Allard

If The Titanic And Jurassic Park, Shared A Script, …This Would Be The Storyline.

Posted on the November 18th, 2009 under Random by Timothy Allard

If the Titanic and Jurassic park, shared a script, …this would be the storyline. All the quotes were pulled from IMDB mashed up to create a new movie. 2 disaster movies, now one.

——-Opening scene to shot of the Titanic, People On Deck———–

  Jack: (holding the ship steering wheel) Where to, Miss?

  Dr. Grant: Velociraptors.

  Smith: How much time?

  Ray Arnold: Hmm… seven days, more or less.

  Dr. Sattler: Seven days? Seven days? Oh, that’s great.

  John Hammond: Hah!

  Lovejoy: What could possibly be funny?

  Jack: I was kidding…

  Thomas Andrews: An hour… two at most.

  Smith: We are making excellent time.

  John Hammond: Dr. Grant, my dear Dr. Sattler…. Welcome, to Jurassic Park.

  Rose: I don’t see what all of the fuss is about. It doesn’t look any bigger than the Mauritania.

——-cut to them arriving——

  Old Rose: It’s been 84 years, and I can still smell the fresh paint. The china had never been used.  The sheets had never been slept in. Titanic was called the Ship of Dreams, and it was. It really was.

  John Hammond: I spared no expenses.

  Tim: (inturupts the conversation) What do you call a blind dinosaur?

  Jack: Shhh. Gimme your hand. Now close your eyes, go on. Now step up. Now hold on to the railing. Keep your eyes closed, don’t peek.

  Donald Gennaro: Is that… auto-erotica?

  Jack: No, no, that’s not what I was thinking. What I was thinking was, what could’ve happened to this girl to make her feel she had no way out?

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: (rolling eyes)…The lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here, uh… staggers me…

—– Cut To The Ship Deck —————

  Rose: Mr. Andrews, forgive me. I did this sum in my head and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned, forgive me, but it seems that there aren’t enough for everyone aboard.

  Thomas Andrews: ‘Bout half, actually. Rose, you miss nothing, do you?

  Mr. Muldoon: Clever Girl.

—Night comes and all retreat to the suite—–

  Rose: Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this…Wearing only this,..

  Dr. Alan Grant: (inturupts) What’s their growth rate?

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: I’m always on the lookout for the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm.

  Jack, Rose: Shut up!

  Rose: This is not a suitable conversation.

  Donald Gennaro: …I had to promise to conduct a thorough on-site inspection.

  John Hammond: You’ll have to get used to Dr. Malcolm, he suffers from a deplorable excess of personality.

—- Dr Malcom and Dr. Sattler talking quiet amongst themselves——

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs…

  Dr. Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man… Woman inherits the earth…

  Rose: (overhears conversation and inturupts) ..Oh stop it, mother. You’ll give yourself a nose bleed.

——Everyone goes to sleep and get woken up by yelling——-

  Watchman: (yelling) ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD!

  Ray Arnold: …Hold on to your butts.

—Titanic clips iceberg—-

  Dr. Alan Grant: What did I touch?

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: You didn’t touch anything. We stopped.

  Countess of Rothes: Excuse me, why have the engines stopped? I felt a shudder.

  Rose: Mr. Andrews… I saw the iceberg and I see it in your eyes… please, tell me the truth.

  1st Officer William Murdoch: Iceberg, sir. I put a hard a’starboard on the engines, full astern, but it was too close. I tried to port ’round it, but she hit.

  Thomas Andrews: Water… fourteen feet above the keel in ten minutes. In the forepeak, in all three holds and in the boiler room six.

  Muldoon: The shut down must’ve turned off all the fences. Damn it, even Nedry knew better than to mess with the raptor fences.

  Lex: It’s a UNIX system! I know this!

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: God help us; we’re in the hands of engineers.

  Lex: I’m a hacker! I prefer to be called a hacker!

  Ray Arnold: PLEASE! GODAMMIT! I hate this hacker crap!

  Thomas Andrews: In an hour or so, all of this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic.

  John Hammond: People. Are. Dying.

  Jack: (mumbles in disbelief) This is crazy…

—sad music starts to play as the titanic sinks into the cold ocean—-

  Tommy Ryan: Music to drown by. Now I know I’m in first class.

—a huge uproar of yelling as people are trying to stay afloat quickly turns into quiet silence—

  Seaman: Is there anyone out there,… can anyone here me?

  Denis Nedry: (yelling from a distance) Dodgson, Dodgson, we have Dodgson here! See? Nobody cares.

  Rose: At least I’m with you.

  Tim: …Do-you-think-he-saurus?

  Rose: You have a gift Jack, you do. You see people.

  Rose: Look! A shooting star!

  Donald Gennaro: (inturupts) Hey, where’d you find that?

  Tim: In a box under my seat.

  John Hammond: Our lives are in your hands and you’ve got butterfingers?

  Jack: Don’t worry, i’m a good swimmer.

  Rose: You unimaginable bastard!

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?

  Waiter: How do you take your caviar, sir?

  Jack: (confused and frustrated)…Right.

—-Pause of quietness——

  Rose: Jack, I… (rose mumbels)

  Dr. Alan Grant: You what…?

  Dr. Alan Grant: …You bred raptors?

—-Pauses for a moment and realizes she bred raptors—–

  Muldoon: Shoot her! Shoot her!

  Jack: Rose! You’re so stupid. Why did you do that, huh? You’re so stupid, Rose. Why did you do that? Why?

  Muldoon: Run, towards the shed…I’ve got her.

  Brock Lovett: Thirteen meters; you should see it.

  Dr. Alan Grant: They’re moving in herds. They do move in herds.

  Tommy Ryan: If this is the direction the rats are going that’s good enough for me!

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: Must. go. faster.

  Thomas Andrews: The pumps will buy you time, but minutes only.

  Rose: Jack! This is where we first met.

  Dr. Alan Grant: Ian, freeze!

  Second Officer Charles Herbert Lightoller: Get Back I Say, or I’ll shoot you all like dogs! Keep order here! Keep order I say.

  Jack: Oh shit this is cold! Shit, shit, shit.

  Rose: I’m through being polite, goddammit! Now, take me down.

—GUN SHOT— —ROSE FALLS TO THE GROUND—

  Jack: Good! Now try and hit the same mark again.

—GUN SHOT—

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: You did it. You crazy son of a bitch you did it.

  Fabrizio: I will never forget you.

  Jack: What, they didn’t teach you that in finishing school?

  Jack: This is crazy.

  Col. Archibald Gracie: Join me in a brandy, gentlemen?

  Dr. Alan Grant: We’re fine. Call the mainland. Tell them to send the damned helicopter.

—-Helicopter arrives, all looking out the window——-

  Fabrizio: I can see the Statue of Liberty already!… Very small, of course.

  Dr. Ian Malcolm: ….Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend.

—Helicopter flys off into the distance over the ocean—

—————–THE END———————